


We Are Exactly Who We Were Always Meant To Be

by redbellpepper



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Fluff, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Season/Series Finale, Reunions, it's true love you guys, the ending they deserved, the ending they were robbed of, when will this show release me from its clutches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27751393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbellpepper/pseuds/redbellpepper
Summary: "Here it is. Twelve years too late, but here it is.". . .Dean drives for a bit.And then Dean walks.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 169





	We Are Exactly Who We Were Always Meant To Be

**Author's Note:**

> Guys. This stupid goddamn show. I was so excited for the series to wrap up so that I could move on with my life, but then it had to go and end LIKE THAT. So after a week or so of mourning, I sat down and whipped up a quick, blubbery fic. Maybe I'll edit it in the future, or maybe I'll do what Supernatural shoulda done in season 5 and just let it be.
> 
> Anyways, here's my own little happy fantasy version of what happens after Dean welcomes Sam into heaven. (Spoiler: he immediately fucks off to go find Cas.)
> 
> I listened to my yearning playlist while writing this. Recommended songs include: Pink in the Night (by Mitski), Two Slow Dancers (also by Mitski), My Boy (by Car Seat Headrest), and, of course, The Night We Met.

"I'm so sorry, Cas."

_Dean tried not to think as he drove. If Bobby was right, and time really was different here, then all Dean had to do was drive and not think and then drive some more, just for a few minutes, until Sam got there. And then everything would be normal again. Two brothers against the world. And Bobby would be right around the corner, also Jo and Ellen, and Mom and - and - and was he supposed to be happy that she and Dad were there, right down the road? Was he supposed to be happy that everything was normal here, just like it was back on earth? Wasn't it so goddamn miserable down there, so goddamn miserable that Dean let himself be pushed back, back, back onto that fucking protruding nail -_

_But he didn't have to think._

_Not right now._

_Just drive._

"I know that's not fuckin' enough, Cas, I know it ain't even close. But I - I - I'm so sorry, Cas, I'm so, so sorry."

_By the time the song ended and Dean swung his legs out of the car and back on solid ground, his mind was swimming. His chest felt tight. He took three short steps to the end of the bridge and gripped the thick white poles with shaking hands. If he threw himself off a bridge here in heaven? What would happen? Would he just end up right back on that porch with Bobby? With Bobby and his mom and his fucking dad, but without -_

_Without -_

_Without -_

_Dean looked out at the sky. Could he fly, now, in heaven? It was a ridiculous thought, but hey, anything was possible now. Could he fly up and up and up, could he reach out his hand for the brightest star and scream until he was FINALLY heard? Until his parents heard him and his friends heard him and his brother heard him? Could he yell and cry and wail until Cas heard him? Until Cas came back and said to Dean again and again, "I love you, I love you, I love you?"_

_Dean leaned forward slightly and shut his eyes tight. If only he could just -_

_And then the sound of gravel beneath shoes._

_Dean opened his eyes._

_Time really was different here, wasn't it?_

_"Hey, Sammy."_

"I feel like I never have before. Right here, standing with you, I feel somethin' I ain't never felt in my entire life. Didn't think I could feel it, not even in death. And shit, I'm just rambling, ain't I?"

_After Dean had hugged his brother and stood with his arm slung around the big guy's shoulders and recited exactly what Bobby had told him just ten minutes ago - when he did all that and he still wanted to fly - Dean finally let himself stop talking and look at his brother with wide, desperate eyes, begging Sam to understand. Just this once, Dean thought so loudly that his head hurt, "just this once understand what I need to do - just this once, understand what even I don't. Just this once, let me be someone I was always meant to be. Tell me it's okay. Tell me it's okay to be who I was always meant to be."_

_And Sam, big, dumb, wonderful man that he was, smiled with grace in his eyes and said -_

_"Go ahead, Dean. It's okay."_

_So Dean went._

_He left the Impala and he left his brother, and for the first time, he didn't look back._

_They were okay._

_He'd see them soon._

_But right now there was someone else who needed Dean - who Dean needed. So he walked and he walked and he walked for miles, and with every step, the knot in his stomach loosened. With every breath, the air became crisper. With every tear that slipped down his cheek, Dean smiled wider. And when he was finally ready, he stopped in his tracks next to a beautiful green field lit by a bright sun in a clear blue sky, and breathed his favorite name in all of heaven and earth._

"Stop - you don't have to say anything. I shoulda been saying it for years. You deserved to hear it every day, every time I saw you, you deserved to hear it. I'll never get that chance back, and I'll never forgive myself for letting you go all those times - but we're here now, right? Right, Cas? So here it is, twelve years too late, but here it is."

_He looked the same as he did on the night Dean first met him. Physically, that is. Trench coat, blue tie. Hard jaw and curious blue eyes._

_But everything else about him - every ethereal bit of the angel - glowed like it never had before._

_Dean found himself running, throat tight, hands reaching, reaching, reaching, one strangled sob escaping him before his hands found purchase on a warm, familiar, tan coat. He wrapped the angel into him, gentler than he ever had been before, because goddamn it, that's what the angel deserved. That's what they deserved. They deserved Dean's hand in the angel's hair and his arm around the angel's waist. They deserved the angel's arms tight around Dean's midsection, his lips warm pressed into Dean's shoulder._

_I am exactly who I am meant to be, Dean thought, smiling into the angel's shoulder as another cry escaped him._

_He started talking before he could bear to let the angel go. Repetitive, blubbery apologies for everything Dean denied both of them. Nonsensical words just to hush the angel's attempts to shift the blame to himself. And then, before Dean's throat closed, he pulled back just enough to cradle that warm, soft face in his hands and rest his forehead against the other's. He choked out each word around the fullness of his stomach, his chest, his throat, his fuzzy head, and he looked right into blue eyes as he finally, finally, finally -_

"I love you."

Dean laughed, slightly hysterical, and shut his eyes against the brilliance of Cas's eyes. He felt Cas's breath hitch and knew that the angel must be crying too. What a couple of saps.

Exactly who they were always meant to be.

"Dean-" Cas started hesitantly, voice tight, but Dean laughed again and shook his head. Cas's forehead was warm against his. His stubble was prickly under Dean's hands.

"I love you," Dean said again, because he could.

Because he could.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

Dean drew a shaky breath and forced himself to open his eyes. He leaned back enough for Cas to see his face. His serious face. Cas watched him with glassy, overflowing eyes, and it made Dean's stomach hurt, because he never wanted to see Cas cry again, not ever. Dean stroked Cas's cheek with his thumb to clear away the tears.

"I'm so sorry that no one ever said that to you, Cas. All those years of existence. And ain't nobody said it to you. Most of all, me. God knows I wanted to. And you deserved to hear it."

Cas's face crumpled. Dean held his face tighter, pressed his body closer, screamed _I love you, I love you, I love you_ even louder.

"If this is you feeling guilty-"

"C'mon, Cas, have a little faith in me," Dean laughed wetly. Cas smiled nervously.

"I have a lot of faith in you. Dean Winchester. The righteous man."

"Fuck, Cas."

They were silent, save for the quiet rustling of leaves on the trees that surrounded them. The chatter of bugs at their feet in the vast green field. The blood rushing in Dean's head.

Then Cas spoke so softly that Dean's heart broke with its gentleness.

"I'm sorry it had to end that way for you."

"Me, too."

"You deserved so much more. So much better."

"You did, too, Cas."

"We both did."

Dean sniffled grossly. Cas laughed.

"Yeah. We did."

The air stilled.

Dean stilled.

And Cas, he fucking _glowed_.

"Cas," Dean started carefully. Cas watched him with full, expectant eyes.

"Yes?"

"I'm gonna kiss you now."

"All right."

And as Dean pulled Cas's lips to his, Dean glowed too.

He kissed Cas slow and thoughtful. He kissed Cas gentle and thorough. He kissed Cas careful and full of promise.

And Cas - Cas did the same, and then some.

They kissed until it turned hungry and messy and breathless and sexy and embarrassing - until they both had to pull away, red in the face and stifling wide, toothy smiles. Dean laughed brokenly and wound his arms back around Cas's neck. He felt so light when Cas tucked his face into his shoulder that Dean thought he might float away. It was heaven, after all, and he was in the arms of an angel. If he closed his eyes and concentrated, he swore he could feel Cas's wings tucked around the two of them. 

"I couldn't love you on earth the way you deserved," Dean said when they pulled away. "Not the way I should've. Not the way I wanted to."

"What about here?" Cas asked hesitantly, and Dean had to laugh at the beautiful, clueless angel in front of him. Cas cocked his head to the side.

"Here?" Dean looked around and nodded, as though assessing the circumstances. When he met Cas's eye again, the angel was smiling slightly, in that little way he always did - like he was thrilled to be part of a joke, thrilled to be part of a family, thrilled to be _here_. 

"I think I could give it a shot. Lucky for you, I got a lot of time to get it right."

"Let's get started, then."

"Take us home, Cas."

It didn't matter that Dean didn't know where, exactly, "home" was. It didn't matter that he didn't know one goddamn thing about the rules up here. Rules didn't matter, not anymore, not with Cas looking at him like that.

When Dean let himself be enveloped in wings, he saw nothing but open sky and endless time.


End file.
